I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this boner is exhausting
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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