I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
