I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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