we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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