Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
