am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
3 2 1 whiskey
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
