somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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