You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
