3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
