i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
