my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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