No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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