I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize