First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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