oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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