pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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