Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
