I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
