I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
