peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
