I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
