i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
