At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
