Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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