This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
