The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
