dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize