I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
