Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize