Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
