I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
that's an acceptable place to lick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
