There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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