.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
