I need help removing her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
