how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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