you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
