Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
