All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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