Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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