And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
