Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
