never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
