You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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