I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
