Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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