I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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