You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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