I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
