he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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