it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
