At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
