we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
