whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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