Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
