I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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