New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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