I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
