You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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