just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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