I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Randomize
