Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
