Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
