He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
