I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
