I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have already put on my inside pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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