How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize