Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish you could order shots online.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
