Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize