Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
