Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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