i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize