Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
