just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
