4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
