i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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