his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
