I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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