Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize