if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
